||[Dec. 4th, 2009|12:06 am]
I just joined the community. I'm 19 years old and was diagnosed with dysthymia somewhere between 3-6 years ago. I had been diagnosed 3 other times [by three other professionals] with the end results switching between depressed and not depressed. This is one of my first times posting to a community even though I've been on lJ and in communities for more than 4 years.
I graduated high school in 2008 and the past year and a half has been my first time not seeing anyone to deal with my behaviors or having any commitment in my life. It hasn't been going that well and led to my first suicide attempt in early May after being manic for a long period of time [3 months] then building up what I read someone describe as "pits" of not doing things around the house and remaining in my room for long periods of time. I've only managed to tell about 4 or 5 people about my attempt and I've never actually talked to anyone about my depression. I've never really had open communication lines with my friends until recently, and it's something were working on.
In school I was put in group therapy by 2nd grade, then started to see one not in a group by 3rd. 4th grade was my first major depression. I was put in academic support and started seeing family therapy once a week due to my sister's depression in 5th grade. by 6th grade I was seeing a school psychologist/therapist twice a week which continued all throughout middle school. Having another major depressive episode in 7th grade. High school I was put into "modified" classes that had a therapist in the room.[I was really luck to live in an area with a school like that] I was also a self harmer [never cutting, mostly hitting and scratching] starting in 4th grade and continuing until late high school. It still reappears sometimes, but it's getting better.
My life currently is as a do-nothing. I do nothing all day every day. No school, no work, nothing. Something that many people dream of and others can't stand the idea of. I am also sort of dating for the first time in my life.
I've never felt that depressed people could really understand due to their feelings being more severe and concrete[from my point of view at least], but people without depression wouldn't understand the concept of never being actually happy. I've never [knowingly] talked with someone with dysthymia so I'm glad to have found this place. Reading through some of the post I finally find words that fit how I feel. Thanks for reading.
PS. I've never been on medication for it.