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Stuck here on the ladder of my life. (I'm so tired...and time stands still beforrrre me) [Aug. 19th, 2009|03:50 am]

[Current Location |The Man Cave]
[mood |complacentcomplacent]
[music |Don't let the sun go down on me- Elton John]

I am slowly beginning to think I will basically do nothing profound or even interesting with my life.
I got stuff to do...I will never be rich. But I am so very grateful for a loving wife and stepchildren who seem to need my help, advice and support. If that is all there is, I will be more blessed than many others in my family. Now, to not fuck all THIS up....:}
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new here [Aug. 11th, 2009|02:35 am]
[mood |apatheticapathetic]

Hi everyone,
I'm just looking for other people to talk to and ask questions. I think I have depression or dysthymia. I am not suicidal, but I'm apathetic, have no drive or motivation, change in eating, tired with no energy, and often go 1 or 1.5 days without sleeping. I've felt this way since summer 2007. I'm a senior in college, but I lack the attention and can't concentrate for long periods of time studying; something holds my interest for a little bit, but then it just becomes dull.
What have you found has helped. Medication? Herbs? Talk therapy. A combination or something else? Thanks.
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(no subject) [Jun. 27th, 2009|07:21 pm]

Does exercise make anyone else miserable?

I am constantly being told by my doctors and a few others that exercise is the best sort of antidepressant, but I rarely find that to be the case. I'm good if I go for walks, or if I go to the gym perhaps once a week, but whenever I try to go a few days in a row I feel like crying either during or after my work out.

When I was on a different (and much heavier) dosage of medication it helped me to lose around thirty pounds, so it definitely benefits me that way, but I'm disappointed that it seems to make me feel worse.
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Sunny days and rain [Jun. 23rd, 2009|10:56 pm]

I just stumbled upon this group, been having a hard time recently and I thought I'd contribute, as the other posts have given me comfort.  For some reason it makes me feel better to be able to say, "Yes, I know exactly what you mean."

I was diagnosed with moderate depression 3 years ago and dysthymia 8 months ago by a therapist, after going through an extended "double dose" type of episode.  Depression runs deep in my extended family, and to extreme degrees.  So that's awesome. 

After learning more about the illness I couldn't believe I hadn't heard of it sooner.  "Dysthymics experience little to no joy in their lives".  That's me.  When my parents found out the diagnosis they agreed whole heartedly.  "You didn't even get excited at Christmas," they said.  I can remember laying in bed as a child after a perfect day at the beach or winning a game of soccer, and still feel the dull ache I couldn't place. 

It didn't effect my life in terms of achievement.  I was very achieved in high school and when I got to college, I continued to work hard (though like a lot of other dysthymics, I had an awful time concentrating, I thought it was just me..) and got good grades,  acted in plays, had a great social life, but the hurting never seemed to stop.  I couldn't place it.  It was never quite enough to mess up my life, in fact, on the outside I seemed to be excellent, so it went unnoticed.  There were weeks where I'd feel on top of the world (or like people without depression feel on a regular basis?) but I'd inevitably fall again.  I'd have no energy, be up all night, want to sleep all day.  I'd feel hopeless and miserable, usually without cause.  For so long I thought it was just who I was... which is the saddest part. 

I was put on Wellbutrin (15 mgs and then eventually 30) and that boosted me enough for a while.  The 30 mg dose completely destroyed my appetite and ending up losing more weight.   I was a little "off" for a while, huge bursts of energy I wasn't used to.  I didn't seem to need much sleep anymore. Plus it makes my hands shake, as though I've downed a pot of coffee every minute of every day.   I've realized it takes a lot of work to overcome dysthymia, I've been trying to find more ways to deal with it .  Most days exercise really is a miracle.  Short jogs help a lot.  Also, being aware what triggers the lows is helpful, so you can either stay away or be aware why your mood is falling.  I was in therapy for 6 months which helped but I never got a "cure", you know?

I've read that dysthymia can be the "water torture of depression" if it isn't handled.  It's a quiet type of suffering, drawing less attention than schizophrenia or mania, but I don't think it makes it any less painful.  Some don't understand why people with seemingly content lives could be so "emo".  They just have no idea.  They're lucky. 

I agree, the sunlight improves my mood hugely.  Summer and spring inevitably boost my mood, as do warmer climates.   I've also put on a "happy face", been very social, and made lots of friends that I just don't have the energy to keep... does that make any sense?  I feel like I let people down because they meet me and they think I'm someone else.  Sometimes I'll meet a great person but feel like I just don't have anything to give to a real friendship.  I don't.  I've also found dating/relationships to be very helpful, too (I wonder if the chemicals in the brain associated with love are any which dysthymics typically lack?) but when they go sour that medicene becomes poison.  Sigh.

Anyone reading this, hang in there.  It gets better, you've just got to hold on. 
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(no subject) [Jan. 19th, 2009|11:18 am]

i have a question and if this doesnt belong here feel free to delete it.
I've been taking Lexapro for the past year and it has helped me... ALOT!!
I started at 10 mgs but after a while it seemed like it was losing its effect so pretty much atm im at 30mgs. because after a few months it always seemed like i was going down again.. Anyway. I am going to see my doctor in a week or two and i was considering him upping it once again since i'm going through a lot of shit again.. but my question is 40mgs of Lexapro is the max i think they will give you. again im not sure about this.. but if a drug over time seems like its not doing its job as well as it once was.. im concerned after i up it what would happen then.. pretty much im wondering what other drugs have you taken perhaps after Lexapro that did the job better.. Im alway concerned about the side effects coming off of Lexapro and starting on something new if that were to become the case.. would i be able to? would i have to wait to start a new drug or could i just start taking it right away.. I know im able to ask my doctor all of these questiosn and i will I just was wanting to see if anyone esle has had this problem with lexapro and what they started to take next.

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Airy Fairey Sense [Dec. 18th, 2008|03:15 pm]

Has anyone in this group tried meditation as part of their way of dealing with dysthymia? If so, what kinds and to what effect?

The skeptic in me says "airy fairy nonsense" while another part says, "what could it hurt?"
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hello [Dec. 14th, 2008|08:36 pm]

 I was diagnosed with "depression" at a very young age when my mom brought me to the doctor in elementary school because I couldn't sleep and thought I was dying. I only found out very recently that I have dysthymia and am not sure exactly who of the many doctors I've seen over the years diagnosed me. 

Right now I'm going through a very hard time and thought starting a blog would be helpful. I had no idea these groups existed but I'm glad they do. Hopefully I can meet some people who are going through some of the same things I'm going through right now. I recognize that I have a lot of problems with the way I think which contributes to my depression - but developing skills to combat that is extremely difficult when you're exhausted and sad. 

I suppose the most painful thing for me - that I'm just coming to terms with - is that whoever I end up choosing to spend the rest of my life with will be subjected to my depression. This is of course assuming that I do end up with someone because, as I found out only too recently, falling into a deep depression can (and rightfully so I suppose) send even the kindest man or woman running for the hills. I also am very afraid that I will pass on my depression to my children and I think it will break my heart to see them go through pain and know that it's my fault. The worst part is that I have scars all over my body so I can't just ignore the issue when I'm in a relationship. I have to explain why they are there and they serve as a constant reminder to me, and to my significant other, that I am sick. In my last relationship I pushed a really great guy away because my depression would make me moody and I took it out on him. I'm stuck in a very scary place right now where I wouldn't want to be with anyone who I loved because I wouldn't want that person to have to deal with me. This makes a healthy relationship impossible.

I think people who are content really take it for granted. I also think sometimes that only other people who have depression will be able to understand me. 


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simple question [Oct. 23rd, 2008|11:35 pm]

Does anyone know the difference between Venlafaxine (Effexor) and Novo venlafaxine? I'm simply curious if there is a difference since I'm currently on 75mg on novo venlafaxine.
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Neww [Oct. 20th, 2008|09:48 am]
I figured I might as well do something with all the extra time I get from insomnia lol. But yea, I'm 21 and was recently diagnosed with dysthymia but have had it for the past four years. Until recently it hasn't really affected me that bad. This year it got so bad where I started getting physical symptoms that intensified to the point where I was bed-ridden till around twelve each day. I've been taking seroquil to combat the physical symptoms but it leaves me feeling like even more of a zombie than I already feel like haha. Idk I'm just looking to make friends and such who can relate and advice on coping with it.

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Newbie post [Oct. 18th, 2008|09:18 pm]

Hi there,

I am posting off of my partners account and pretty much self diagnosed myself as a dysthymic. I have suffered from clinical depression since the age of 12, had suicidal episodes and finding symptoms etc from websites similar to these:


In my quest to try and find helping items of ANY kind for my clinical depression and stumbled upon these, since childhood I can remember exhibiting lack of concentration, inability to focus on stuff, and kids get bored easy so the parents shrugged it off as having too much sugar or something.

But pretty much these symptoms I suffer (most of them quite honestly on a daily basis and sometimes all of them), variably with a very few nice days every few months or so. I find it extremely difficult to study for University/College and am sick of tired of this daily torture. I'm 19 now, and since 5/6 had this, and had many, many 'double depressive days'.

Just looking to make friends (not used to communicating online, or with others at all apart from my partner really, and any advice greatly welcomed.


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