|Bored and curious...?s for anyone who feels like talking about themselves
||[Jan. 17th, 2010|08:43 pm]
Just sort of bored and procrastinating.
1) Does anyone feel like they might (shamefully) enjoy being depressed or anxious? Or: Do you have anxiety-provoking daydreams just for the fun of it? In my case it is more anxiety that I will try to stir up deliberately, for the "rush" or it or something. Often involving daydreams of jealousy, cutting, suicide attempt etc. Or rape fantasies involving embarrassing or belittling situations. Often nothing more than a daydream to pass time. Curious if this is a harmless thing that lots of people do and don't advertise, or a symptom of something else. Or worst case am I just "emo" and attention seeking (yikes).
2) To what extent does procrastination play in your life an how do you deal with it? I will often go into a state of paralysis and not accomplish anything for hours (or days) at a time. Unless I am 1. on Ritalin 2. consuming a lot of caffeine or 3. having set a very rigid and extreme schedule for myself that I cannot step off for fear of never getting started again.
3) To what extent has therapy helped you? I have a shrink that I LOVE because he is very humanistic, has a ton of personality and is very smart. But after two years of going to him for the pleasure of chatting for an hour, I wonder if he has actually helped me at all, or to what extent that is even possible. I often get a great deal more out of motivational speakers, if only because they more forcefully tell me what action to take (whereas my shrink insists I should have more charge of my own life).
4) How do you deal with insecurities in relationships? I often think this is my own problem becaues I do not have enough confidence/self-esteem/etc. so I do not like to involve or accuse my boyfriend. But often I don't know how to deal with it and worry it will sabotage the relationship.
I love anonymous blogs :) I also like this community as it is does not have quite the morbidity of other depression-related forums. i.e. people are actually focused on recovery rather than further immersing themselves in misery.