|lost, well sort of (possible trigger)
||[Sep. 28th, 2009|11:01 pm]
I don't know if any one else has really experienced this, but it almost feels as though my dysthymia has set me back on having some real friendships, or even falling for someone. I guess what I'm really talking about is that my second major depressive episode that I had when I was 16 along with being dysthmic had almost cost me one of my friendships. It took us about a year and a half to re-build everything that was destroyed because of the major depressive episode. Fast forward to when were both 22, and the same person tells me that I'm better off cutting myself than being happy once again. I'm pretty sure that this was brought on due to me coming really close to reaching my breaking point for having another major depressive episode. This time the silence had lasted a year and a half. I guess what I'm really wanting to know is that has anyone lost friendships, or almost lost friendships due to their dysthymia?
I'm fortunate in that I found someone who understands me and stood by me. But at the moment, I'm going through this very ordeal with... well she was my best friend.
I find that I don't have many close relationships. I'm always pushing people away, withdrawing. It's difficult. I don't like discussing my dysthymia with others and even if I do, often they don't understand which makes me even more reluctant to discuss it the next time around.
I know losing my friend was a major trigger for me as well. It hurts. A lot. If you need someone to talk to. I'm here.
I don't think my friendship with my best friend ending was a result of my dysthymic disorder, necessarily, but it sounds a lot like what you're talking about. We would fight and not talk for months or years and we would be friends again and the cycle continued. She often said things like your friend said.. "Go cut yourself again".. "Stop pretending to be happy, we both know that you're not." So.. maybe it was a result of the dysthymic disorder?
Anyway.. I'm very sorry about what you're going through and I, too, am open to talking to you about it if you'd like to. <3
Yes and no; when I had my first breakdown, it showed me who my real friends were. It was hard to find out that me being sick was an inconvenience, but I think it's good to get rid of people who won't support me when I need it.
That being said, I have a very hard time making friends because I find it so hard to be "on" all the time. I try not to go around being mopey, but I can't be more than just polite most of the time. I simply don't have the energy to spend too much time with people. The friends I do have though are pretty close and they either understand or just accept my limitations.
I have lost most of my friendships due to this.
I do alright with friendships, but romantic relationships are pretty much impossible.
I am certain that dysthymia has affected my friendships as well, but probably not directly. Fortunately, in my case, I do not see my friends and acquaintances all the time, so that takes a lot of pressure off of me to put on the air of being "upbeat and happy" when I simply do not feel like it.
I am concerned about "and the same person tells me that I'm better off cutting myself than being happy once again." I do not know if this will ring true for you, but I had found that there were some people in my life who were actually threatened when I made strides in my recovery, because they were used to the old doormat, dysthymic me. Sadly, there are people out there who pick some people who look less fortunate than themselves because it makes them look better in comparison, as bad as it sounds. (Sorry, I tend to be cynical.) I've had to drop some so-called friends as a result, which lengthened the depression, because I also had to deal with the additional feelings of hurt, betrayal and grief of losing the friendship on top of it. Eventually, I realized I was better off, because it really was their shit coming out sideways, and I did not need that bringing me down. Believe me, I can do that all by myself.